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A Copywriter Writes

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DAN WATSON

Kiwi copywriter.

Illustrator on the side.

This blog is filled with stuff that simply comes to mind that's too long to tweet.

It's mostly my observations as I try to make it in the advertising industry. It keeps me writing and, hopefully, gets you reading.

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  • March 22, 2011 6:49 pm

    Banana Milkshakes or, The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Done.



    I LOVE banana milkshakes.

    Best. Drink. Ever.

    Real bananas, syrup, powder, Primo or just sugar mixed with banana essence. Anyway you do it, that shit rocks.

    I don’t know what it is about bananas, or their flavour, but when a glass of that sunny-coloured frothy goodness is on the table I am keen as!

    I have done bad things in the name of a banana milkshake. Shameful things.

    Well, to be honest, shameful thing.

    Which segues me nicely into my story.

    I was 8 years old at the time (not that that’s an excuse). There was this Indian kid in my class, Ravneel. He was a year older than me. He was a good enough guy, in small doses. He was rich too.

    Now, I say rich. What I mean was that his parents owned a diary and gave him lots of money to buy his lunch from the tuck shop each day.

    One day in particular, we had been arguing earlier (probably over crayons or some crap) and at lunch, he decided he was on a flavoured milk buzz and ordered a bunch of Skool Milks.

    Skool Milk: a small plastic sachet of flavoured milk that you drink by cutting away a corner with your safety scissors and sucking completely dry before burping, smiling and running off to play tag.

    So Ravneel, comes up to me, cradling in his arms a number of sachets of different flavours, including numerous bananas, and holds one of which out:

    "Want one?"

    To which, I light up:

    "Hey, sure! I lov-"

    "Well you can’t! Hahahahahaaha"

    His stupid laugh.

    He strolled out of the classroom into the yard. Leaving me standing there. Seething.

    I followed him out, caught him, pinned him against the wall and muttered:

    "You dick."

    And then I socked him one, right in the gut.

    He spilt all his Skool Milk sachets and lay there, foetal, just crying.

    And like a banana, I split.

    I eventually got in major trouble. He told on me, naturally. I should’ve worn a balaclava or something.

    The funny thing was, after I hit him, I didn’t even take one of the banana Skool Milks that had started this little scene.

    But that was a one time thing. I’ve never been that violent towards anyone ever agin in my life.

    I’m actually a really nice guy.

    Provided you don’t get in between me and my banana milkshake.